Guaranteed, period, italics, exclamation point!
Do you struggle with the ladies?
Are you tired of her not being able to hang out because, “Uh, well…I have to…pick up …my friend’s mom’s aunt after her cello practice. Sorry!”
Fear not! You need not play second fiddle to her friend’s mom’s aunt’s cello practice any longer.
Hello. My name is Sean! And, no, I am not on drugs!
Today, I’m so excited to show you our ground-breaking new product that will unlock limitless attraction!
Li-mit-less.
And you might be wondering, “If this product is so good, why is it appearing in an infomercial after midnight?”
Well, because we were worried. We worried about selling too much too soon, we were worried about causing a riot, we were worried that fate wouldn’t bring you to channel 882 at this very moment to show you our fantastic new innovation.
Once this secret is unlocked, there is no turning back.
Are you ready?
OK.
It’s a shirt.
A stupid.
Silly.
Shirt.
Not only that — a shirt you can have right now, for less than $30!
A shirt so powerful, every woman you meet will feel helpless against the aura of attraction.
A shirt so powerful she will begin guessing what your name is right when she sees you. You’ll look like a Kevin — no, a Brian. No, a Pepe. She’ll claw at her arms wanting to know, “Oh my god! Who is this guy in that crazy, freaking shirt?”
When a woman sees you in our shirt, you’ll be three points hotter on a ten-point scale.
To all you all sixes, say hello to nine!
To all you eights, prepare to break the ceiling — you are now an 11!
That’s right — an 11/10!
When a beautiful woman walks by, she won’t be able to take her eyes off of you.
She will turn. She will crane her neck. She will long for your company as you fade to the horizon!
She’ll fall asleep and have crazy retro dreams where you sing ‘80s love songs to her.
If you talk to her — ask her out. Immediately.
Because “no” will be erased from her mind.
Would you like to go out with this man? In his super amazing t-shirt?
A) yes
B) yes
C) yes
D) yes
“Yes” to whatever you just thought of asking her.
“Yes” to everything. Everything.
She’ll tell her friends about you. She’ll tell her mom about you.
When she does her homework, she’ll only think of you.
At work, women will go, “Oh, who is that new guy? There is something about him…”
They won’t realize it’s the aura of the shirt overpowering them.
Are you ready for this? Are you sure?
I present.
Three.
Two. One.
The teeee-shirt!
But wait!
There’s more! Order now and you’ll get a Yale Medical School shirt with this order, free! Free! Free!
Disclaimer: The shirt does not enhance male endowment. For optimal performance, obtain a medical degree before wearing a shirt. This post is not an actual advertisement. All claims are fictional and highly sarcastic. Anything you found offensive is retracted. If you already own this shirt and pretend to be a doctor to get women — get psychological help, immediately.
Women, would you like the power to not only seduce any man but also make him fall madly in love with you?
You are in luck.
Our new business cards are the most powerful ever printed. He will be helplessly spellbound by these cards from the moment he lays eyes on them.
He’ll follow you around like a puppy. He’ll hang on your every word. Need a massage? Need help moving? Need a ride for your friend’s mom’s aunt after her cello practice? We’ve got you covered.
Warning: Be certain this is the man you want! Or you may end up with an unwanted friend! Our cards are just that good!
Instructions: Simply hand him this card and watch the magic happen!
Source : Medium
Also, Coming Soon!
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