How to Deal With that Annoying Mushroom Hater in Your Family

I’m betting there’s somebody in your family who hates mushrooms. Every family has a hater. There’s no grey area when it comes to mushroom preference. You either love them, as I and three others in my family do, or you despise them with every fiber of your being.

It’s not the same as disliking onions or green peppers, where somebody might say, “I’m not wild about them but I’ll eat them if they’re on the plate. I tolerate them. I can take ’em or leave ‘em” No, you will never hear these words from a bonified mushroom hater. NEVER! And when a hater hates, it’s stated in no uncertain terms. It’s always declared with intense conviction. It’s like a call for all other mushroom haters to stand up and unite.

I sorta get it, I guess. Mushrooms aren’t the most attractive looking thing you’ll find growing in nature, or the produce aisle at the grocery store. I agree, there’s often a slimy quality when they’re cooked. And they have that “earthy” smell. There’s a similar quality with beets. You’re either a big fan of them, or you hate on them. There’s rarely an emotion in-between.

It’s not easy living with a mushroom hater when everyone else in the house loves them. They will never compromise. It makes menu planning difficult. Have you ever tried suggesting terms? “We can do half mushroom on the pizza”? This is generally non-negotiable.

I understand (from the haters) the mushroom essence somehow leeches its way over into the non-mushroom portion of the dish. To them, it’s no different than the concept of having a smoking section in a restaurant, or a peeing section in a swimming pool.

The hater will rarely accept the half-mushroom proposal. And If they do, it will likely come with some big song and dance to demonstrate how ultra-flexible they are being. And you’ll have to hear yet again how gross mushrooms are, how they don’t understand why anybody would eat those nasty, putrid things. How they taste like shit. A woman I know recently told me they taste like ejaculate.

I’m frankly getting tired of these haters. How is it that so many of our family meal plans can be hijacked by one hater? Why should we always be the ones to compromise? I think because it’s too exhausting to fight back. I once suggested to our hater that she can simply pick them out of the dish. I will never make that mistake again. It comes down to surrender or die with them.

It’s now late summer — it’s getting to that season where beautiful mushrooms will begin appearing at the local farmer’s markets. Such woodland gems as Hen of the Woods, Chanterelles, Lobsters, Puffballs, and Oyster mushrooms.

I‘m getting sick and tired of kowtowing in submission to my daughter, the mushroom hater. I’m going to dig my heels in and say screw all of them. If you don’t like the smell, you can leave. If you don’t like this amazing stir-fry dish with shiitake and straw mushrooms, don’t eat it.

I’m looking forward to that first fall day when the air gets crisp and the garden begins morphing into hues of crimson and gold. My hater will come home and find me luxuriating over a large pot of thick mushroom-barley soup with a big dollop of sour cream and a warm, crusty hunk of fresh-baked bread at the ready. It’s one of the best comfort foods on the planet in my opinion.

She’ll give me that murderous glare the haters have perfected so well. Before she can get a word out, I’ll smile devilishly at her and say, “How would you like a nice piece of crusty bread?”

Source : Medium