Guaranteed, period, italics, exclamation point!
Do you struggle with the ladies?
Are you tired of her not being able to hang out because, “Uh, well…I have to…pick up …my friend’s mom’s aunt after her cello practice. Sorry!”
Fear not! You need not play second fiddle to her friend’s mom’s aunt’s cello practice any longer.
Hello. My name is Sean! And, no, I am not on drugs!
Today, I’m so excited to show you our ground-breaking new product that will unlock limitless attraction!
And you might be wondering, “If this product is so good, why is it appearing in an infomercial after midnight?”
Well, because we were worried. We worried about selling too much too soon, we were worried about causing a riot, we were worried that fate wouldn’t bring you to channel 882 at this very moment to show you our fantastic new innovation.
Once this secret is unlocked, there is no turning back.
Are you ready?
It’s a shirt.
Not only that — a shirt you can have right now, for less than $30!
A shirt so powerful, every woman you meet will feel helpless against the aura of attraction.
A shirt so powerful she will begin guessing what your name is right when she sees you. You’ll look like a Kevin — no, a Brian. No, a Pepe. She’ll claw at her arms wanting to know, “Oh my god! Who is this guy in that crazy, freaking shirt?”
When a woman sees you in our shirt, you’ll be three points hotter on a ten-point scale.
To all you all sixes, say hello to nine!
To all you eights, prepare to break the ceiling — you are now an 11!
That’s right — an 11/10!
When a beautiful woman walks by, she won’t be able to take her eyes off of you.
She will turn. She will crane her neck. She will long for your company as you fade to the horizon!
She’ll fall asleep and have crazy retro dreams where you sing ‘80s love songs to her.